I am feeling so lucky. And blessed, transformed, grateful…
But first I had to overcome my fear of failure and disappointment.
You see, my shamanistic path had been a personal one until now. My own experiences made me curious and hungry for more information so I read books – a lot of them.
From a very young age I’ve been reading and living shamanism, in the intimacy of my own life.
For a long time I didn’t even consider the possibility to find a shaman and to train with them.
And when I did, it took me two and a half years to find one I could feel safe with, resonate with, and trust enough to share my secret world.
Then came the moment of choosing: will I take part in this weekend training or not? Of course I would, but I was also afraid.
What if all I had experienced would somehow be disqualified? What if it all had just been a dream?
We know when a spiritual experience is real. If for no other reason then because it mostly is so vivid, magical and strange that we possibly couldn’t have imagined it.
And yet, at the moment of taking the step outside my comfort zone, my mind was extremely busy, coming up with an endless list of reasons why I should not go.
But I did go. I participated in shamanistic training, being immersed in the magic and wonder of journeying in the under-, upper- and middle world, carrying out assignments, and traveling in time.
I had done these things before, on my own and for friends and family but never with a shaman with decades of experience.
With only two participants and our strong shaman teacher it was intense and wonderful at the same time. No place to hide. The first 24 hours I was working with inner barriers, judgements and fears, as described above.
But I was lucky: it took just one good chat with a Wise Woman from the meditation center where we were at and bam! I was on the other side of fear.
Enjoying the ride, diving deep into the experience of sharing my inner worlds, mostly with only the three of us, but at times also with others from the meditation center.
Wonderful synchronicities and powerful exercises, it was good.
I am sharing this with you in order to look at the tension between allowing yourself to follow your inner call and the control of the ever-so-critical mind saying “don’t do it, it’s too risky/far away/expensive/whatever”. I urge you to take the risk anyway.
In following your calling you’re acting out on your interests and talents and putting your strengths and boundaries into a test – and your talents in service.
Go for it. Enjoy the adventure of following your calling, and extend your boundaries…
The fun part is: they’re probably already much further away than you expected!