How do we manage our relationships in a meaningful way?
Everything is in a flux, the old ways don’t seem to fit anymore. ‘Information’ is highly malleable and our relationships are at risk… We’re on new gound. With a new set of circumstances and, it seems, a new situation with our relationships. When humans loose their sense of security – become fearful even – it becomes very tricky to think in a logical, reasonable manner. The fight-or-flight mode kicks in, or we ‘freeze’, locked in a narrowed down view. So the first thing we want to do, my friends, is find our Calm. We can’t change others, but we can manage our own responses.
Here’s how to detox from fear and ground your Self in calm
Finding your calm: Stop escaping into distractions! Be mindful about distracting the uneasy feelings. Instead, turn inward. Deliberately breathe more slowly and deep, this will calm your nervous system. Have a long, slow walk in nature, breathing in fresh oxygen, bathing in good vibes and sunshine. Or connect with Nature in any way possible. Try to, little by little, open all your senses – vision, touch, smell, hearing, taste – this will help in grounding your being in your body. See if you can play with peripheral view – gazing without a certain focus point, being aware of a wide radius – and/or connect with other beings in nature – with the plants, animals and Spirit around you. Take extra good care of yourself, like a loving parent would care for a child. Get your rest and eat well – good quality, moderate quantity.
Everything begins with your relationship with your Self. Are you best friends forever with your Self? Investigate your relationship with your Self – find a technique that suits you best. Some like journalling, others meditate or turn to creative activities to re-find their Heart connection. You might also do sessions with another person – a mentor or a friend perhaps. Holding space – listening with Heart centered focus for investigation, insight and understanding.
After working on your relationship with your Self (even just a little bit at a time) we can expand. Your relationship with Source (‘Heaven’) and with Nature (‘Earth’) are the next two dimensions we can explore. Shift your focus to your Heart – not the organ but the energy center, right there in the middle of your chest. It can help to put your hand to your chest, as when you want to gesticulate honesty, sincerety. Your hand on your Heart center. Move your attention out of the mind, into the Heart. Feel what this shift of attention focus does in your body. For me it brings tremendous relaxation. Breathe deep. Now connect with the Source – the creative center of the Universe. It can help to visualise a spark ( the spark being your attention) raising right up from your Heart, travelling through the crown of your head, out and up to the center of the Universe. Notice how that feels.
Then connect with Nature – Mother Earth, Gaia, under your feet and all around you. In the same way, you can visualise a spark, your conscious energy focus travelling from your Heart, through your feet, through the soil, into the Heart of Gaia. Likewise a horizontal expansion, through your skin, expanding with every breath to all the living beings – plants, animals, elementals… try it, “an unfocused inner gaze into energy”, just feeling, taking notice.
These are your basic relationships – Self, Source, Nature. From here you can tune in to any other relationship… For the long term well-being, perhaps try prioritising the relationships that expand your energy, avoiding the ones that give you a shrinking feeling. You are a sovereign being, the Capitain of the ship that is your Life. You get to decide the direction, the manners, the elegance, wisdom, pace, the focus. Choose and choose again, aiming at an ever-developing betterment.
Healing our relationships with people
Having a relationship with a tree or a dog is somewhat easier than our relationships with friends and family. After all, a tree rarely stabs with the poisonous words ” You always… ” or ” You never… “. Ego manipulations, emerging from past memories that hurt – bringing old ghosts into the present moment where they clearly don’t belong. Let’s try to remember every present moment is a new opportunity. Every breath is a new creation. Relationships can hurt – for many reasons; ego’s having a wrestle about who is “right”, or trying to maintain a relationship past its expiry date, while they clearly are evolving into different directions… And last but not least, let’s be mindful about cultural programming from our community, our nation, the media. To what extent are your opinions programming? What do you think, value, choose?
As you look back at your life, ask yourself; “Was I the same person I am now, 10, 20, or any other number of years ago?” Probably not. Life hones us with its challenges and we change. Often the pace and direction of change is very different from person to person, and our friends and family might not ‘come with us’ in the change – or someone might develop in a totally different direction than I do, you do, we do. It can be painful, but accepting that not all relationships are ‘made for a lifetime’ grants us and others the opportunity to let go graceously. New friendships will emerge in due time. Just be very sure your relationship with yourSelf is a good and honest one, you need reality, solid ground to build upon.
Would you like to explore your relationship with your Self and the World and find out about your strengths and talents? I love to hold a protected, Heart-centered space for this kind of profound investigation. It is my passion and joy to provide the safe boundaries for brave people to find their true Self and become truly empowered – know yourself, become free.